1. You haggle over the equivalent of $.50 in broken English while dripping sweat.
But you’re going to WIN, dammit.
2. Sometimes you eat or drink at places solely for the free and kinda consistent wifi.
“What’s your wifi password?”
“Okay, could you just type it in for me?”
3. Laundry day is the best day of your week.
Until you realize the $.50/kilo deal meant your clothes were really just soaked in semi-clean water before air drying and your sweat stains are as prominent as ever.
4. Everything you need is on your back and most of it is worth nothing.
In fact, you’re going to voluntarily get rid of half of it before your trip ends.
5. You always take a hostel/hotel card with you when going out because your taxi/tuk tuk/motorbike driver doesn’t know where anything is in his own city.
6. Making friends and finding travel buddies is as easy as “hello.”
And saying goodbye to these people is one of the hardest parts of your trip.
7. Cockroaches and other creepy crawlys become the norm.
Even in places where they really, really shouldn’t be, like restaurants and beds and toilets and any other places you previously thought were sacred.
8. Finding a bathroom with toilet paper is akin to stumbling upon a four leaf clover.
(For women, it nearly brings you to your knees with joy, except not, because the floor is covered in a thin layer of shit water.)
9. If you’re told that traveling to XYZ City will take X number of hours, you automatically multiply by 1.5.
If you’re crossing borders on a bus, double it. Oh, and that “VIP Bus with wifi and aircon?” No. Just no.
10. You sweat so much that outsiders would think you’d walked through a monsoon.
And you would welcome said monsoon in order to cool down and disguise your sweat. “What? You think this is sweat? No, the rain just really likes to congregate on my forehead, armpits, and back.”
11. You think talking about the quality and quantity of your shits with all audiences – men and women, and even complete strangers – is totally normal.
There are no secrets in hostel dorm rooms with shared bathrooms. Only here in Southeast Asia (or as I prefer to call it, Land of The Compromised Digestive System), could you possibly find it normal to celebrate a complete stranger’s first solid shit in two weeks. But hey, any excuse for a fresh beer, I guess.